50 years – The Fifth Decade 2004 -2014 – The One with the Sabbatical

I turned fifty last month and wrote 4 blogposts looking at each decade of my life. I got as far as 2004, when I was well-established in field administration. This is the installment that brings us up to the present and then “to infinity and beyond”.

Places lived: Mali, Cameroon, Côte d'Ivoire, Burkina Faso, USA. 

Verse:

Jeremiah 6:16
This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, ‘No that’s not the road we want!’”

Life-Shaping events:

In 2004, due to political unrest and its aftereffects, I ended up going from being assistant director over one country to full director over two countries. The day before I was elected, we had some sort of group mixer in which we pasted bits of cardboard to a map to represent the different parts of our work. For some reason, I had to carry it home for the night and bring it back the next day. As I picked my way carefully through mud puddles, I had a fear that I would drop the poster in the mud and mess it up. And then I realized that I had a much larger fear: “What if I drop the BRANCH in the mud while I am director?”

It was a difficult time to be director and as the years went by I wondered why I could not be director at a time when all was normal. We were losing staff and the financial resources that went with them. Work in both countries was threatened by instability.  We joked in meetings about making “more bricks with less straw”.

Key verse:

You keep track of my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. Psalm 56:8

There were a lot of difficult things during this period, so many, in fact that I was overwhelmed by “unexpected tears” during my sabbatical (2011) when I finally took time to enumerate and grieve over them:

Senseless court cases, civil unrest, threats of terrorists, sickness and medevacs of key people, a suicide, personal and family crises among our staff. So much that might have been, that was thwarted for reasons I cannot now see. So many cases also where we were forced to rely on God instead of our own capacities

 I’d like to say that this was a time that I did rely solely on God, but much of the time I relied on my own ability to multi-task and stay on top of a multitude of things. I am someone driven by duty and the work was without end, with not enough people to do it. People often commented then (and still do) on my seemingly limitless energy and my job became one that no one else could imagine doing.

By 2009, I was nearing burnout. I was dry and thirsty and in exile spiritually.

 But God was seeking after me putting books and sermons and verses in my path. I actually memorized:

“I lie in the dust completely discouraged. Revive me by your word.” Ps 119:25

My furlough was due in mid-2010 and my boss suggested that rather than doing a normal “home assignment” in administration, I consider a Sabbatical. This was a window of hope that was opened to me, that somehow things could get better. But even as I planned things to do during my sabbatical, events combined to delay it until early 2011. Read here (in the first post on this blog) about how God began inviting me to healthy practices of reading and meditation and scripture memory in that time of “delayed gratification”.



In the summer of 2010, when I should have been returning to begin the sabbatical but could not, I went ahead and did a trip to Northern Ireland which was truly a drink of cold water to me in a very dry time.

Read: northern-ireland-and-color-green

This was also a time where I was challenged to begin thinking about Sabbath and what it really means for me, the gift that it is. (See here my “Prezi” sermon on Sabbath, which I have given three times.)

Coming back to Mali, I began getting serious about Sabbath and that is literally what carried me through to the Sabbatical time in 2011.

As that time is mostly detailed in this blog, I will not repeat it here, or this could become very recursive. I've included lots of links to specific blog-posts.

Highlights of the Sabbatical would be

• The time at the Boiler room in Kansas City.



Boiler Room Building in Kansas City 

• A month at the retreat center on Lake Thunderbird

• The Oklahoma Freewheel 500-mile bike ride across Oklahoma. 

 

In this Sabbatical time and beyond, God is teaching me the importance of

• Removing distractions
• Creating space for quietness and contemplation.
• Sabbath
• Creativity – including blogging, making candles, music.
• Reading
• Journaling
• The Liturgical year: Lent, advent. . .
• Living in community and interdependence
• Living in simplicity without a lot of stuff. Being evacuated and then having to liquidate your household in short order will do that to you.
• God’s work is Unhindered by what appear to us to be major setbacks.
• The Responsibility for Getting the work done is God’s not mine.

“Do not feel totally, personally, irrevocably responsible for everything. . . That’s my job. Love, God.”

 After the Sabbatical

God knew what he was doing in arranging the sabbatical before one of the most difficult times in my life: the coup d’état in Mali and our evacuation [March-April 2012]. (Read “In the Pressure cooker” parts 1, 2, 3 and 4). I really do not know if I could have survived this time without the Sabbatical preparation.

God prepared me and resourced me to lead our group in this very difficult time, using the unique gifts he had given me. He had taught me that I needed to take time for myself, for reflection and contemplation and planning and rest:

“Get up and go! Come back and wield your sword in the part of the kingdom where you can wield it best.” [see blog post]

The time during the coup is one where God sustained me and where my unique giftings came together for that time. People commented that it seemed like I was truly “in the zone.” It is

During my sabbatical, God introduced me to the idea of being a nomad, living simply and relying on God. 2012 was the year of being a nomad. When I did my taxes for the year 2012, I honestly could not say where my tax home was. In this year, I made 15 border crossings, hopping back and forth between Mali, Kenya, Burkina Faso, Thailand, France, and Cameroon. From March to December, I averaged 2.5 weeks per country and was truly “transient” in this time.

And it was during this time that the Lord led me to accept a regional role which would involve setting up in Cameroon and traveling significantly throughout Francophone Africa. This, too, was a step of faith, but God has been good.

It is interesting to see how the administrative skills as well as my crisis management experience in the past years have prepared me for this role.

“These 40 years . . . “

As I was reflecting on the five decades that make up my first 50 years, I began thinking of theme verses for each decade. The week of my birthday, I kept coming back to Deuteronomy 2:7 which was a key verse for my 3rd decade

“The Lord your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands. He has watched over your journey through this vast wilderness. These 40 years, the Lord your God has been with you and you have lacked nothing.”

And then I heard a podcast the week of my birthday and it centered on Deuteronomy 8, which had such a similar theme that I thought it was the same passage until I looked it up.

8.2 Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. 3 He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. 4 Your clothes did not wear out and your feet did not swell during these forty years. 5 Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the Lord your God disciplines you.
15 He led you through the vast and dreadful wilderness, that thirsty and waterless land, with its venomous snakes and scorpions. He brought you water out of hard rock. 16 He gave you manna to eat in the wilderness, something your ancestors had never known, 

This really seems to be a perfect description of the past 10 years especially but also the entire 40 years I have been a Christian.

[To follow - 5th Decade - part 2, people, bikes, music, books, etc]

A visit to the Monastery, l'Abbayé Port du Salut

Ever since I first contemplated a time of sabbatical back in late 2009, I had thought of staying in a Trappist monastery somewhere. Well, during my vacation in France, from May 18-22, 2012, I had the privilege of staying at l’Abbayé Port du Salut, founded in the 13^th century.

Abbayé Port du Salut (Salvation Port - It's on the Mayenne river)

I was taken first to the refectoire, a small dining area where between 4 and 8 of us took our meals. I felt very much the anthropology student, trying to make sense of a new world as an outsider. For example, it was only after eating did I realize that the 2 women that appeared to be nuns, were indeed nuns, but also guests at the abbey, too, staying on a different floor of the hotellerie than where I was. 

The guest quarters (built sometime in the 1900s)

After a meal of several courses, I was taken by brother Alexandre, tall and lean with a grey goatee, to the guest area and my room which overlooks the courtyard and the main chapel. It’s fairly simple as rooms go, but not a far cry from many I’ve stayed in at SIL guesthouses. I have my own sink, but the toilet and showers are down the hall. 

I expected there to be more community with the monks, but they live and work in their cloister which is off-limits to guests, who also eat separately from the monks. But you do see the monks – one brings us the food. And there are others in the bookstore, reception. And you see them in action during the “offices” (worship time).

Across the river from the Abbey

There is, however, good fellowship with the other guests. Monasteries have the traditional function of welcoming guests and so there is a constant rotation of them. This also provides income. During my stay, there have been 3 nuns, at two or three couples, a group of priests here for day retreat, and at least 2 SDF (Sans-domicile-Fixe – homeless) for whom place is provided along with food. One said he had been on a pilgrimage all over Spain and Italy and knew all the monasteries. 

Sister Yvette was around the entire time I was. She is a nun in another town, working with 2 other nuns (at 70 she is the YOUNGEST of the three). They are living in an inner-city area among a whole host of internationals: Eastern Europe, Turkey, Former Soviet Union, Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia, China, North Africa and Subsaharan Africa. Their ministry is to just be there among these people, helping where they can and showing love. She also served for 5 years in Cote d’Ivoire back in the early 70s. 

Soeur Yvette

We weren’t really supposed to talk much during mealtimes, so often we would sit in silence – and sometimes there was a recording playing with a monk somewhere reading the lives of the saints, or the rule of Saint Benedict, or something else,  but Yvette seemed to be the one to break the silence, especially after meals. She was interested in what was happening in Mali and others seemed to be as well. She also had a lot of genuine questions that seemed to come to mind about how we protestants did things: “You don’t have saints, do you? Well, I guess you probably have saintly people you just don’t call them that.” “Do you pray the psalms?” “Do you say the “Our Father”?” “What about Jehovah’s Witnesses? How do you consider them?”  

Chapel (l) and dining room, (door on far right)

Thankfully, Yvette took the effort to show me what to do in the services or else I would have been lost. She showed me where to find the sheets at the back of the chapel that I would need for the service and how to use the Psalter to find the Psalms, Old Testament and New Testament songs that we would be chanting.  

Worship times: If you’re going to come to a monastery for a personal retreat, this is what it is all about.  I originally set reminders on my phone so as not to miss all of them but realized they have a bell tower to remind you and are pretty vigorous about it. The daily services (offices) are:

• 4:30 a.m. Vigiles – have to say I never made it to one of these. It’s all well and good if you go to bed at 8 or 9 like the monks do.
• 7:15 a.m.  Laudes followed by Eucharist (Communion), though on Saturday and Sunday, this happens around 11 a.m
• 12:10 pm  - Sexte (followed by lunch)
•  6 pm Vespers
• 6:45 supper 
•  7:45 Compiles

I have to say that I really enjoyed the services once I figured out how they worked at least so that I was on target about 2/3 of the time with sitting, standing, finding the right song, and figuring out the unwritten bits to repeat in between songs, after prayers, etc. 

The monks – there are only 9 remaining – sit in the middle section of the church, half on the left and half facing them on the right. One of them on each side has a microphone. The far end of the chapel has a big altar and a crucifix, and a candle that must be 4 feet tall. It is the week after ascension, so the crucifix is draped in white linen, representing the resurrection and ascension. 

Altar and Crucifix, draped for Ascension 

The other participants sit in the rows at the near end of the church. There are half-a dozen guests staying in the monastery, except on Sunday when the place was full and on Monday when about 100 school-kids showed up for a tour. 

The Monk Alexandre who is also the guesthouse guy, usually leads out on the first of several psalms that are chanted. Their psalter has all of 150 psalms, retranslated to fit in a meter that can be  chanted. They are arranged in couplets so that one side of the chapel chants one couplet and the other side chants the other back and forth. It took me a while to realize that the lines are written with one syllable underlined. This indicates that everything before that is chanted high, and then at the underlining, you drop down, either going back up or further down before the end of the line.

There are usually 3 psalms, and the one old testament song and a new testament song – all chanted. At the end of each song, if you are not already standing, you stand and bow and sing “to the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, from age to age, . .. AMEN.” (with a few variations). 

There seems to be a song that has to do with the liturgical year that is sung at every service, but just for a week or so.

And there is usually at least one scripture reading, followed by a long period of silence, which in an old stone chapel is REALLY quiet. And they don’t dilly around with a minute of silence like we do and then crank the music up before people can get around to any contemplation. This might go on 5-8 minutes. At times, you think they might have gone to sleep. Then things start up again winding down with the Lord’s prayer (sung) and more silence.

There was only ONE sermon and that was in the Sunday mass, but it is not as if the scripture is missing since all that you sing is straight scripture.  When there is prayer, it is much more structured than I like, with the monk leading out several short prayers like  “We pray for all those staying with us tonight” and the congregants repeating something like “Lord, hear our prayer”.

All in all, the rhythm of the services is nice, with plenty of time for reflection during the psalms and quiet times.  One can appreciate these men who have basically given their lives to praying and meditating on scripture 6 times a day, creating a sacred space in their communities.

I had a bit more connection than I might have had with this group because of the Abbe, Père Joseph who was a catholic missionary (Pere Blanc) in Mali from the 1971-1991 in dogon country. I found this out reading his bio before I emailed about staying here. He reminded me a lot of Rene Valette, for those who know him, a very kind grandfatherly man who took a lot of interest in everyone. He came around the first morning to chat about Mali, catch up on the situation there, and see how I was doing. And when he realized I was freezing, he brought me first his coat and then a sweater. And finally he asked me to speak to their chapter meeting on Monday evening, which was fun because I got to go back into the cloister and see the monks out of their public setting. They were quite interested in the work in Mali and also determined to pray for the situation there.

hydroelectric plant on the river next to the abbey

I hope the Abbey can sustain itself into the next generation and beyond. They have a lot of buildings dating back centuries, and only 9 monks remaining. Most are past the age they can do much real work, there are one or two Novices, who are not really all that young. The Abbey used to have a cheese making industry with their own cows and land. This was sold off 30 years ago (and still operates next door). They have a commanding position on the river and there is a dam and small hydroelectric plant operated  by the monastery. Guests provide some income. And there is a gift shop with books and items produced by other abbeys that they sell.

 The 4^th grade glass that came to tour the abbey and sit in on a service did not seem to really “get it”. When they time of silence came, it was obvious they had NO clue what to do with themselves. They were more respectful than a group of American kids might have been. I didn’t see any cellphone or texting, but there was plenty of whispering. At lunch that day, the other guests and I got into a conversation about the need for silence and contemplation, especially in our busy world of many distractions. Several said that they had had experience taking kids and getting them to have 2 minutes of silence. Then the next day 4. Then 6. Then 8. And that they liked it. Apparently people who are not religious at all, come here to get away from the noise. So maybe there is hope for this sort of place in the future.

En attendant, I will savor the memories of chanted psalms and quiet reflections but also look forward to worship next week somewhere with a guitar, drums, keyboard, maybe some clapping and hands raised.

Everything I know about Life, I learned Training for the Freewheel - Part III

Part 111

If you are just joining us, my two previous posts have been about what I am learning from training for a multi-day bike ride across Oklahoma. 

Today’s points are ones that do not directly relate to the activity at hand but do help when training running with “persendeverance” the race marked out for you in life. 

Tunes:

Pretty much anyone who exercises can tell you that it goes better with some slammin’ tunes. Yesterday while cycling the backroads around lake Thunderbird, I listened to “the Eye of the Tiger” (Rocky will get your blood pumping), James Brown singing “I Feel Good” (which my French cycling buddy likes to sing whenever we reach the summit of a big climb), the aptly titled Audio Adrenaline’s “Free Ride”, some dc Talk and Toby Mac, a touch of U2.

It helps if it has a beat that you can focus on as you crank out another rotation, rep, or just pound the pavement.

The point of music when you are out for the long haul is that it focuses your attention off of yourself and the drudgery of the long road ahead of you, the pain in your legs and the unbearable heat and onto something else.

The parallel in life is music that turns our attention to God whether that be hymns, choruses, praise music or some of the rocking tunes above.

Stretching:

Stretching before you set out for your run or ride is something that gets a bad rap. Young folks will just entirely skip stretching – I know I did for many years and kinda laughed at those who did.

Stretching prepares all your muscles for whatever might come at them. It prevents injury or pulling muscles. And keeps your core from being “tight”

So what does this correspond to in our spiritual life? I’ve thought on this and think it corresponds to the discipline that I tend to neglect on the spiritual side: contemplation. Sitting quietly, being still, reflecting on God’s word or something we’ve read or seen.  Like stretching, it takes time and can not be hurried. If done correctly and regularly, you will be ready for what comes at you in the day.

Hydration

Your body needs fluids and lots of them especially in endurance sporting events. If you don’t get them, you become dehydrated. Your electrolytes get out of balance and your muscles cramp.  A cyclist needs to drink a lot, one bottle per hour at least and more if it is really hot. If you wait until you are thirsty, they say it is already too late.

The parallel here would be prayer – communing with Jesus. This should be consistent and ongoing, tapping into the source, the streams of living water flowing from within. John 7:28. Without that, you will be quickly sapped and your thought processes will become unbalanced just like your body becomes without electrolytes.

Tomorrow – the last and final thoughts: nutrition and fuel