Psalm 139 - ALL the days ordained for me.

Last week in church, the sermon was on Psalm 139. I thought to myself, “Oh, I know this one. I even have it memorized.” So I’m listening as they read it in German, following along with what I know

1 You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.

2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.

And it continued, familiar phrases and images to me and you:

Before a word is on my tongue . . . You hem me in behind and before and lay your hand upon me. . . . Where can I go from your Spirit? Rise on the wings of the dawn. . . .Even the darkness will not be dark to you. . . . fearfully and wonderfully made. . . .

Then come those words that are so reassuring to so many:

15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

That is as far as I memorized. How about you?

A few verses later the psalm just kind of plunges off a cliff.

19 If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.

As I read, I was suddenly jarred back to my senses. Where did these verses come from? Why didn’t I memorize them back in 1983 with the rest of the psalm? Well, I knew why. Those imprecatory psalms – smite them, Lord – are the ones you skip over as incomprehensible, and I had skipped over this section.

But it’s there, and it really changes the whole tenor of the psalm. This is David on the run, hiding in a cave. Enemies are chasing after him. And he recognizes that wherever he may go, even when fleeing from Saul, he cannot flee from God’s presence. Even when hiding in the darkness, the darkness is not dark to God.

It all came careening home to me. “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Taken in context, it’s not just talking about the overarching plan that God has for my life – the big picture. That’s how I always read it.

It’s talking about all the days of my life, 
each and every one of them, 

even the darkest of dark days 5 months ago when I was hiding in a dark cave of a room with Al Qaeda terrorists outside firing away, who would surely have killed me if they had found me.

THAT day – March 13, 2016 – was written in God’s book before I was born. God knew about it. And ordained it.

Why? I’ll never know this side of eternity.

But I do now that He was familiar with my ways. He knew where we had hidden – in that dark unfinished room with no door or window, and coconuts and a tarp.

He hemmed us in behind and before, with his hand upon us.

Even the darkness of that day was not too dark for him. The darkness was as light to him. And we could not flee from his presence.

I am left dumbfounded, like David who said:

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

Trauma Patchwork

It's been over a month since I was caught up in the attacks on the beach at Grand Bassam on March 13, 2016.

The healing process has been long and slow. For me, it has been a jumble of verses, psalms and songs that God has sent me or brought to mind. I have clung to them and dwelt in them. And the Lord has woven them into a patchwork quilt to keep cover me and keep me dry from the waves and storm.

The Lord reminded me of this verse during the events.
The picture is one I took a few weeks before the attacks. 

Ready for the Storm

by Dougie MacLean (Made popular by Rich Mullins)

The waves crash in and the tide tide pulls out
It's an angry sea but there is no doubt
That the lighthouse will keep shining out To warn the lonely sailor
And the lightning strikes and the wind cuts cold Through the sailor's bones to the sailor's soul
Till there's nothing left that he can hold Except the rolling ocean

But I am ready for the storm, yes sir ready
I am ready for the storm, I'm ready for the storm

Distance it is no real friend And time will take its time
And you will find that in the end It brings you me, the lonely sailor
And when you take me by your side You love me warm, you love me
And I should have realized I had no reason to be frightened

But I am ready for the storm, yes sir ready
I am ready for the storm, I'm ready for the storm

"Ready for the Storm" became the framework and refrain for the lament that I wrote about what we experienced:

It’s shooting outside
And the waves crash in.
Am I ready for the storm
If the waves flood through the door?

Down in the Lowlands (Charlie Peacock)

One of my favorite albums of all time is Russ Taff's self-titled album from 1987, which obviously was born out of some sort of "dark night of the soul". I immediately gravitated back to "Down in the Lowlands" because of the water imagery and the words that cry out from Psalm 69.

The water is up to my neck; I'm sinking in the deep,
There is no foothold to be found anywhere,
I'm very worn out from calling for help,
My throat is hoarse, and dry as a bone,
My eyes, they fail me from looking for you,
Are you looking for me?

Down in the lowlands, where the water is deep,
Hear my cry, hear my shout,
Save me, save me,
Down in the lowlands, where the water is deep,
Hear my cry, hear my shout,
Save me, save me.

Could this be it?
Could I be drowning?
Have I failed to be heard by the only one who can save me? (save me, save me)
Show me some mercy, and touch me again,
Please lift me up above where I am.

I Cannot Tell

A week after the attack, a friend loaned me a keyboard and I started playing old hymns and choruses. This one jumped out and ministered to me, especially the second verse, made poignant by the fact that we were coming up to Passion Week.

A verse from my Sabbatical Time in Kansas City. 

I cannot tell how silently He suffered,
As with His peace He graced this place of tears,
Or how His heart upon the Cross was broken,
The crown of pain to three and thirty years.

But this I know, He heals the broken-hearted,
And stays our sin, and calms our lurking fear,
And lifts the burden from the heavy laden,
For yet the Savior, Savior of the world, is here.

Psalm 124 - What if the Lord had not been on our side?

About a week into this, someone shared Psalm 124 and it really seemed like the entire chapter had been written for us!

It was easy to see God's hand in saving us. But harder to reconcile all the questions that it raised. Why does God allow suffering? Why are some spared and others not? Is my faith just a house of cards, as CS Lewis observes in "A Grief Observed"?

"Why is he so present a commander in our time of prosperity and so very absent a help in time of trouble? Not that I am... In much danger of ceasing to believe in God. The real danger is of coming to believe such dreadful things about him. " (Lewis, p. 8)

The Psalms with their questions, accusations and statements of faith
all mixed together were a great source of comfort and the idea that there was hope that I WILL YET PRAISE HIM!

The questions are unchanged
The cry remains the same
I pray You'll lift me higher; Face to face with who I am
Higher - Above the myths that make the man
Higher - Please hold on to me

Russ Taff, Higher  

I Still Believe
by Michael Been of the Call, as recorded by Russ Taff

I've been out in a cave

For forty days 

With only a spark

To light my way
But I still believe. . .

I'll march this road
And I'll climb this hill
Upon my knees
If I have to

I still believe
I must believe
You can't take that away from me
I still believe.

Hold on to me. I must believe. Bring me into a spacious place.

The Egg Ceremony

Many of you know that I was involved in a traumatic event two weeks ago along with two colleagues.
It is only by the grace of God that we are alive today.

We received many signs of kindness since then to help us process what we had experienced.

On Friday a week ago, one of the language communities that we are working with, the Nghwla (Mbatto) held a special "Egg Ceremony" for us, something they do for people who have narrowly escaped death.

We were each given a hard boiled egg.

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I held the egg in my hand thoughtfully as she explained that it represents the new life we have been given. 

What ceremony happens without ritual phrases?  In this case, "Here is your white chicken without feathers" (egg). This was said first in French, but then in Nghwla.  There may be some significance to it that escapes me. 

As you might imagine, the next step was to shell the egg and eat it, or should I say "partake".

But we also had to take a bit of the yolk and smear it on our foreheads. A sign, I suppose, that we had been marked by this event, forever changed. 

First time I have ever had "egg on my face" and been glad about it.

The final bit of the ceremony was the gift of a second, raw egg, to take home and cook. 

I had mine for lunch. Since I wanted an omelette, I added it to an egg I had had in the fridge from before - and that seemed strangely appropriate, mixing the life before with the new life after. 

This was truly a remarkable gift that was given to us, to help us process and mark this important passage. 

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How interesting that God would use something from the richness of another culture to minister to me, to fill a slot that we don't even know is missing in our culture. 

Ceremonies and rituals are interesting, aren't they? 

There are commonalities from culture to culture. They may differ in form, but they exist for similar things: births, name givings, rites of passage, religious initiation, dedication and inaugurations, weddings, funerals. 

There are always others present to witness it. You can't have a ceremony by yourself. 

And there are always words said in formulaic ways. If you get those wrong, it will have to be redone.

But isn't it wonderful that there are also physical elements present, symbols to tie what is happening relationally and spiritually to our physical existence, to make it memorable. 

• Colors: White wedding dresses, black clothes at funerals, red and green at Christmas, pastel purples and Yellows and pinks at Easter.
• Sounds: Bells, choirs, music, dancing
• Clothes: coordinated, and colorful and out of the ordinary. 
• Symbols: rings, lighting of candles,  water, wine, bread, oil or ashes on the forehead  or egg,
• Physical contact and actions: water of baptism, cutting of hair, holding hands, partaking wine or bread or egg

The symbols will be different from culture to culture, but in every case, it's not enough to just be together and say the right things without the other symbolic and physical elements. You can't have Eucharist or communion without partaking some sort of bread and either wine or juice. You can't have a wedding without a ring.

God plants our spirits and souls into bodies. And we have ceremonies and rituals to help ground important events into our physical existence. 

We were debriefed last week after our trauma and they told us that our mind, spirit and emotions would need time to process everything that would be out of sync with our bodies,  which were physically fine but our brains did not know it yet. As a result, we experience various physical symptoms that reflect our emotional distress. 

Thanks to God for helping people to create ceremonies to join the spiritual to the physical, and to the Nghwla for sharing their ceremony with us!

Thrown Down, but not Broken

On the Saturday after Good Friday, the disciples were locked in the upper room. Fearing for their lives.
Even on Easter Sunday, after a few of them had seen and believe, they were still uncertain of what it all meant and returned to the upper room and locked the door.

John 20: 19 That Sunday evening the disciples were meeting behind locked doors because they were afraid of the Jewish leaders. Suddenly, Jesus was standing there among them! “Peace be with you,” he said

Up until that point, I imagine they were solidly fixed in the left hand column of this verse (2 Cor 4:8-9)

     We are pressed on every side by troubles,                     but we are not crushed. 
     We are perplexed,                                                             but not driven to despair. 
     We are hunted down,                                                       but never abandoned by God. 
     We get knocked down,                                                     but we are not destroyed.

Then Jesus came and declared himself to be the Prince of Peace. He is the one that works all those red things in the left column into the green things on the right, in his time, and through his body.

I recently experience some major trauma and initially this verse rang fairly hollow, because I did fell pretty crushed and abandoned and knocked down.

Easter is the message of hope, that God MEETS US in the darkest of places and shines light in.
As it says in the Message "What Jesus did among them, he does in us -- He LIVES!

Sloth and Those who hunger for a life made right

(First published) March 10, 2010 at 6:12pm

I just came across this book review I posted to Facebook 6 years ago today. I didn't have my blog then, I think i will repost it here.

I'm reading the book "Seven: The deadly sins and the beatitudes" by Jeff Cook.

He pairs up the 7 deadly sins with the beatitudes saying they are flip sides of each other:

• Pride vs the Poor in Spirit
• Envy vs the Mourner
• Greed vs the Mercy Giver
• Sloth vs Hungering and Thirsting for Righteousness

The chapter on sloth is really good.
Some quotes:

"At its core, sloth moves us away from everything that ultimately matters and directs us toward simple distractions. Sloth is not mere laziness. Sloth is indifference toward my soul, my neighbors, my world, or my God. Drug users, TiVo Addicts, ... may be poisoned by sloth, but so are most workaholics. Sloth is not restfulness. Sloth is escapism of the deadly sort."

p. 69: "Slot is best expressed not by a lazy attitude but by zeal over petty matters. . . A heart at once so sensitive to minor things and so strangely insensitive to the greatest."

p. 79 Sloth is very western. Despite our fast-moving society, we "invest our energies and talents most often in what is trivial." "Sloth is content to aim us toward either apathy or fanaticism. All that matters is that the target is worthless".

Cook looks at the Parable of the Talents. The unfaithful servant BURIED his master's talent, showing him what he thought of the master and his pursuits. "They were dead to him".

On the other hand, the faithful servants were invited to "Come and Share in their master's happiness" which was NOT what masters did with slaves in that time. Pretty radical.

Similarly, the Parable of the Wedding Feast has the king inviting people to this feast but throwing out one man who was poorly dressed. Why? Because he was too lazy to dress for the wonderful occasion. To stay inside with the king, you had to be passionate about the king's concerns.

In both parables, Jesus pairs the slothful activity with hell.

"The blessed are passionate about what really matters - the image of God in those around them." P. 73.

Cook next talks about the Tower of Babel, wherein men were trying to escape the world. Instead, we see God always "longs to enter our sphere and make his home with us.". The parallel story to the Tower of Babel is Pentecost when God came and filled the house and then filled the believers. "The movement of God is to fill. While at Babel the people want to escape the world, at Pentecost God entered it." p. 76

On to the beatitude:

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled". We need to be STARVING for God. Note the prodigal son. He did not return because he wanted a relationship but because he was starving.

Jesus was not addressing those who have all their "junk in order" but those with "wrecked moral lives." So wrecked, in fact, that he associated their pain with starvation." (p. 80)

"Those who hunger and thirst for righteousness - who hobble along with deep aches, who press on through difficulty, knowing a fire and a meal are waiting - will be blessed by God, for he has the power to fill them." (p. 80-81)

"Sloth - indifference towards our souls - alone will keep us from the life we were made for. Sloth will praise the ruts we dig... but it is all a lie. We are made to overflow with life." "God is moving you and me from places where our lives are foul into realms of refreshment.. . He is slowly cutting away the gangrene. . . . We have nothing to hold onto but a promise as we endure surgery. . . . But the promise is beautiful. You will be made whole. You will be filled and your fullness will overflow everywhere." p. 81Lots of food for thought for a hungry man. :-)