Remembering 30 years on - Oklahoma City Bombing

On April 19, 1995, I was in Côte d'Ivoire in my very first months in West Africa. 
I had just traveled several hours north for our group conference and was getting settled into the second floor of the guesthouse at hour training center. I had made my way to the central kitchen area to get some water and Cathy Davison was listening to the BBC news on the radio. She told me there had been a bomb in Oklahoma City and my first response was, "That's not the sort of thing that is supposed to happen" back home. 

Back in 1995, there was no internet to speak of. I got on the phone in our guesthouse and finally got a call through to my family back home. After supper, I watched a 3 minute segment on the Ivorian news that night. Then I waited the better part of a week for the Newsweek to come out with pictures and more details. And I wrestled for the first time with terror and its place in our world. 

I now have lived long enough to see the face of evil in so many places I have been: Bamako, Gao, Timbuktu, Ouagadougou, Nairobi, Paris, Beirut, Yemen, Grand Bassam. And I know now that this is not something that any place can say they are exempt from.

But in the aftermath of the Oklahoma City bombing, we saw people come together in spite of their differences with hope and resilience. And I have seen that in the other places mentioned above. Love and hope are stronger than hatred. 

On this 30th anniversary of the bombing in Oklahoma City, it is Holy Saturday. I think it's fitting that we sit with this remembrance of evil on this day between Good Friday and Easter. On Good Friday, Christ endured all the evil the world had to give, and it seemed like death won. On Saturday, we sit and remember but we look ahead with hope to Easter, when Christ conquered death and evil and sin.

One of my favorite parts about the Oklahoma City Memorial is the unofficial memorial that Saint Joseph's Catholic Church erected just across the street from the site, well before the official memorial was finished. It's called "And Jesus Wept", showing Jesus with his back to the bombing site. He is in white and surrounded by black granite columns representing the children whose lives were lost and a wall with a hole for each victim. We are reminded that Christ enters into our suffering with us and is grieved by it. 

The pedestal of the statue has the inscription "And Jesus Wept". 

The official memorial is across the street with two large black walls  bookending a reflecting pool. 

There are glass chairs for each of those 168 people who lost their lives. 

Lastly, there is the "Survivor Tree" that somehow managed to survive the blast and became a centerpiece of the memorial and a reminder of endurance and hope in the face of evil. 

We remember but we do not grieve or despair like those who have no hope.

I Thessalonians 4:13 

 

  

Trauma Patchwork

It's been over a month since I was caught up in the attacks on the beach at Grand Bassam on March 13, 2016.

The healing process has been long and slow. For me, it has been a jumble of verses, psalms and songs that God has sent me or brought to mind. I have clung to them and dwelt in them. And the Lord has woven them into a patchwork quilt to keep cover me and keep me dry from the waves and storm.

The Lord reminded me of this verse during the events.
The picture is one I took a few weeks before the attacks. 

Ready for the Storm

by Dougie MacLean (Made popular by Rich Mullins)

The waves crash in and the tide tide pulls out
It's an angry sea but there is no doubt
That the lighthouse will keep shining out To warn the lonely sailor
And the lightning strikes and the wind cuts cold Through the sailor's bones to the sailor's soul
Till there's nothing left that he can hold Except the rolling ocean

But I am ready for the storm, yes sir ready
I am ready for the storm, I'm ready for the storm

Distance it is no real friend And time will take its time
And you will find that in the end It brings you me, the lonely sailor
And when you take me by your side You love me warm, you love me
And I should have realized I had no reason to be frightened

But I am ready for the storm, yes sir ready
I am ready for the storm, I'm ready for the storm

"Ready for the Storm" became the framework and refrain for the lament that I wrote about what we experienced:

It’s shooting outside
And the waves crash in.
Am I ready for the storm
If the waves flood through the door?

Down in the Lowlands (Charlie Peacock)

One of my favorite albums of all time is Russ Taff's self-titled album from 1987, which obviously was born out of some sort of "dark night of the soul". I immediately gravitated back to "Down in the Lowlands" because of the water imagery and the words that cry out from Psalm 69.

The water is up to my neck; I'm sinking in the deep,
There is no foothold to be found anywhere,
I'm very worn out from calling for help,
My throat is hoarse, and dry as a bone,
My eyes, they fail me from looking for you,
Are you looking for me?

Down in the lowlands, where the water is deep,
Hear my cry, hear my shout,
Save me, save me,
Down in the lowlands, where the water is deep,
Hear my cry, hear my shout,
Save me, save me.

Could this be it?
Could I be drowning?
Have I failed to be heard by the only one who can save me? (save me, save me)
Show me some mercy, and touch me again,
Please lift me up above where I am.

I Cannot Tell

A week after the attack, a friend loaned me a keyboard and I started playing old hymns and choruses. This one jumped out and ministered to me, especially the second verse, made poignant by the fact that we were coming up to Passion Week.

A verse from my Sabbatical Time in Kansas City. 

I cannot tell how silently He suffered,
As with His peace He graced this place of tears,
Or how His heart upon the Cross was broken,
The crown of pain to three and thirty years.

But this I know, He heals the broken-hearted,
And stays our sin, and calms our lurking fear,
And lifts the burden from the heavy laden,
For yet the Savior, Savior of the world, is here.

Psalm 124 - What if the Lord had not been on our side?

About a week into this, someone shared Psalm 124 and it really seemed like the entire chapter had been written for us!

It was easy to see God's hand in saving us. But harder to reconcile all the questions that it raised. Why does God allow suffering? Why are some spared and others not? Is my faith just a house of cards, as CS Lewis observes in "A Grief Observed"?

"Why is he so present a commander in our time of prosperity and so very absent a help in time of trouble? Not that I am... In much danger of ceasing to believe in God. The real danger is of coming to believe such dreadful things about him. " (Lewis, p. 8)

The Psalms with their questions, accusations and statements of faith
all mixed together were a great source of comfort and the idea that there was hope that I WILL YET PRAISE HIM!

The questions are unchanged
The cry remains the same
I pray You'll lift me higher; Face to face with who I am
Higher - Above the myths that make the man
Higher - Please hold on to me

Russ Taff, Higher  

I Still Believe
by Michael Been of the Call, as recorded by Russ Taff

I've been out in a cave

For forty days 

With only a spark

To light my way
But I still believe. . .

I'll march this road
And I'll climb this hill
Upon my knees
If I have to

I still believe
I must believe
You can't take that away from me
I still believe.

Hold on to me. I must believe. Bring me into a spacious place.

Theology of Suffering - David and the Psalms: Episode 3

This is the last of three blogs on a Theology of Suffering taking from David and the Psalms. 
Here are the first and second episodes. 

Episode 3 – The Cave of Adullam

picture from inside the Cave of Adullam

1 Samuel 22:1, 3, “So David left Gath and escaped to the cave of Adullam. Soon his brothers and all his other relatives joined him there…..” Later David went to Mizpeh in Moab, where he asked the king, “Please allow my father and mother to live here with you until I know what God is going to do for me.”

Eventually, God does give direction and the prophet tells David “Leave the stronghold and return to the land of Judah.” (1 Samuel 22:5)

Principles:

• Concern for the weaker folks in his midst. 
• Living in uncertainty and waiting on God for direction. "Until I know what God is going to do for me" indicates a faith in God, even though he is currently waiting on direction. 

The Cave, The Cross, The Crucible

There are some who suggest that David had to go to the cave as a crucible – his own cross.  We see other Biblical leaders who had their “cave” experiences before taking on the role God had for them:  Joseph thrown into a hole and eventually in prison in Egypt, Moses in the desert for 40 year, and now David.

This was a time of stripping everything away bringing him to a place where he had nothing to trust in but God.

David wrote at least 3 Psalms in this period and there is a visible progression of his dealing with the suffering, and his trust in the Sovereignty of God, even in a very dark place.

 Psalm 142

A psalm of David, regarding his experience in the cave. A prayer.

1 I cry out to the Lord;  I plead for the Lord’s mercy.2 I pour out my complaints before him and tell him all my troubles.3 When I am overwhelmed, you alone know the way I should turn. Wherever I go, my enemies have set traps for me.4 I look for someone to come and help me, but no one gives me a passing thought!No one will help me; no one cares a bit what happens to me.5 Then I pray to you, O  Lord. I say, “You are my place of refuge. You are all I really want in life.6 Hear my cry, for I am very low. Rescue me from my persecutors, for they are too strong for me.
7 Bring me out of prison so I can thank you. The godly will crowd around me, for you are good to me.”

Facts/Feelings:

• Overwhelmed
• Trapped
• Abandoned, like no one is concerned for him.

Principles:

• Processing with God. Pouring out his complaints to God
• Counting God as his refuge

There is much less resolution for David in Psalm 142 than in Psalm 57, which was likely written later. Sometimes it's okay to be in that spot, where things are not all worked out. 

Psalm 57

looking up the valley at the cave

For the choir director: A psalm of David, regarding the time he fled from Saul and went into the cave. To be sung to the tune “Do Not Destroy!”

1 Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy! I look to you for protection.I will hide beneath the shadow of your wings until the danger passes by.2 I cry out to God Most High, to God who will fulfill his purpose for me.3 He will send help from heaven to rescue me, disgracing those who hound me.My God will send forth his unfailing love and faithfulness.4 I am surrounded by fierce lions who greedily devour human prey— whose teeth pierce like spears and arrows, and whose tongues cut like swords.5 Be exalted, O God, above the highest heavens! May your glory shine over all the earth.6 My enemies have set a trap for me. I am weary from distress. They have dug a deep pit in my path, but they themselves have fallen into it.7 My heart is confident in you, O God; my heart is confident. No wonder I can sing your praises!8 Wake up, my heart! Wake up, O lyre and harp! I will wake the dawn with my song.9 I will thank you, Lord, among all the people. I will sing your praises among the nations.10 For your unfailing love is as high as the heavens. Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds.
11 Be exalted, O God, above the highest heavens. May your glory shine over all the earth.

Principles:

• Hiding in God’s protection
• Praising, singing, exalting God
• Thanking God publicly,  among the people.

What was David’s Theology of Suffering?

David saw the wisdom of evacuation at times and faced the hardship of innocent people being killed around him. He consulted of the Lord and sometimes received crucial information allowing him to escape. Other times information was not forthcoming and people died as a result of uninformed his choices. And sometimes he was content to just wait for information to come when God was ready. 

He was happy to trust God for the accomplishment of His will in his good time, even if that was years later. And he rejoiced in the Lord’s protection – even when that was simply a cave in the side of a mountain,

because GOD was his place of safety.

See also: Theology of Risk Part II - David

David and the Psalms - Episode II

This is part two of a series on a Theology of Suffering based on David's reaction to painful experiences in his life. The first episode was on Ahimelech and Doeg. (BTW, I just love saying "Doeg". I am pretty sure that oe indicated an umlaut: Dög). 

Episode 2 – Captive of King Achish of Gath

David presents himself to King Achish (pictures from the BrickTestament)

At the end of 1 Samuel 21 (:10-13), David flees from Saul to King Achish of Gath. King’s Achish’s men report of David’s battle prowess and "David took these words to heart and was very much afraid of Achish king of Gath. 

So he pretended to be insane in their presence; and while he was in their hands he acted like a madman, making marks on the doors of the gate and letting saliva run down his beard."

That's right, our King on the Run is drooling in his beard and pretending to be insane - not unlike Hamlet who was only "mad north by northwest". 

Let's look at how David frames this episode in the Psalm he wrote about it. It becomes obvious that writing Psalms was a form of journalling and reflection as well as a dialogue with God.

Psalm 56:

For the choir director: A psalm of David, regarding the time the Philistines seized him in Gath. To be sung to the tune “Dove on Distant Oaks.”

1  O God, have mercy on me, for people are hounding me.

My foes attack me all day long.

2  I am constantly hounded by those who slander me, and many are boldly attacking me.

3 But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in you.

4 I praise God for what he has promised. I trust in God, so why should I be afraid? What can mere mortals do to me?

5 They are always twisting what I say; they spend their days plotting to harm me.

6 They come together to spy on me— watching my every step, eager to kill me.

7 Don’t let them get away with their wickedness; in your anger, O God, bring them down.

8 You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle.

You have recorded each one in your book.

9 My enemies will retreat when I call to you for help. This I know: God is on my side!

10 I praise God for what he has promised; yes, I praise the Lord for what he has promised.

11 I trust in God, so why should I be afraid? What can mere mortals do to me?

12 I will fulfill my vows to you, O God, and will offer a sacrifice of thanks for your help.

13 For you have rescued me from death; you have kept my feet from slipping.

So now I can walk in your presence, O God, in your life-giving light.

Facts:

• Constantly hounded
• Slandered
• Afraid
• Death threats

Principles:

• God is aware of his sorrows. I really like verse 8 where we see that God not only knows about my sorrows, but is gathering all my tears and writing down all my sorrows in his book!
• God is on his side!
• No fear in what mortals can do to him. Trust in the midst of fear. [Though note that this seems to contradict his actions of pretending to be insane.] 
• Sacrifice of thanks - in the midst of captivity. What does he really have to be thankful about at this point? 
• Walking in God’s presence. 

It seems to me that in these imprecatory Psalms David is trying to talk his heart into feeling what his head knows to be true. 

Theology of Suffering - David and the Psalms - Episode I

This past week I helped teach a Crisis Response Training workshop under the auspices of the Mobile Member Care Team. I took a version of this workshop in 2003 and it was there that I was made aware that we all have a Theology of Risk and of Suffering. And that got me started on a life-long study of these ideas, something made easier by dealing with a considerable number of crises. 

One thing that became obvious to me as I worked through the workshop materials again was the distinction between a Theology of Risk and a Theology of Suffering. The ideas had become intertwined in my thinking. It was only when I was asked to do a devotional on Theology of Suffering that I realized that what I had prepared had more to do with Risk. 

A Theology of Suffering really looks at PRESENT and PAST suffering and how to understand it. 

• Does God allow it? 
• What is its purpose? 
• Does it mean I have done something wrong?
• If we are doing God's will, why does he allow these things to happen to us?  

A Theology of Risk builds on the answers to these questions. It looks forward in the FUTURE to plan for negative events that will bring loss, suffering and possibly death. 

• Are these things to be avoided at all costs? 
• Should they be mitigated to allow maximal work for kingdom purposes? 
• Does God provide protection if we are doing his will? 
• Is it fearful to look at real dangers and pull back?

__________________________

This is a revision of my previous blogpost on a Theology of RISK in David's life, looking at how he dealt with suffering in those same stories. 

King David had an interesting response to suffering. 

He definitely believed that God could protect him and kill his enemies as he had with Goliath.  

“You come to me with sword, spear, and javelin, but I come to you in the name of the Lord of Heaven’s Armies—the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. Today the Lord will conquer you, and I will kill you and cut off your head.… And everyone assembled here will know that the Lord rescues his people, but not with sword and spear. This is the Lord’s battle, and he will give you to us!”1 Samuel 17:45-47

But he did not expect God’s victorious provision and rescue to happen every time, at least not immediately. He had confidence that it would happen someday even if today was one where evil men were triumphing over him.

This “man after God’s heart” was a complex and nuanced man, living in a complex world. He is mentioned in the Hall of Faith in Hebrews 11:32-34 and lines up nicely with the ones on the victorious side of the list. 

32 And what more shall I say? I do not have time to tell about Gideon, Barak, Samson and Jephthah, about David and Samuel and the prophets, 33 who through faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice, and gained what was promised; who shut the mouths of lions, 34 quenched the fury of the flames, and escaped the edge of the sword; whose weakness was turned to strength; and who became powerful in battle and routed foreign armies.

But also seems to fit in with those mentioned in vs 37-38 who 

“went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated— 38 the world was not worthy of them. They wandered in deserts and mountains, living in caves and in holes in the ground.”

In fact, David was on the run from 1 Samuel 19 – 2 Samuel 1, - fourteen chapters -  a refugee, unable to claim the throne and destiny promised to him by God.

He had a call – an obvious anointing to be King. How did he reconcile that promise with the obvious fact that God was not bringing that about?

In David’s actions, we see a bedrock confidence in the Sovereignty of God. He knew that God had a purpose for everything that was going on, even if he didn't understand. He also had convictions about what it meant to be “the Lord’s anointed” and that respect for God’s designs carried over how he related to Saul.  

Throughout his time on the run, there were plenty of laments against God and cries for justice that are immortalized for us in the psalms. Let’s look at a few of those against the backdrop of the events he was facing.

Episode one – Ahimelech and Doeg

After David fled from Saul, he travels to Nob to see Ahimelech the priest in 1 Samuel 21. Ahimelech is frightened to see David by himself with no troops. David lies to the priest (!) saying he is on a secret mission for the king. He asks for bread and is given the Bread of the Presence and the Goliath’s sword which he accepted. (Surely this was a reminder to him of God’s power to protect him, even as he fled.)

Apparently the whole encounter with Ahimelech is overheard by “Doeg the Edomite”, Saul’s chief herdsman (vs 7), who eventually recounts this to Saul.

Some time later, in 1 Samuel 22:9-22, we see the sad consequences of David’s visit to. Doeg went back and reported the incident to Saul who sent his men and Doeg himself to slaughter Ahimelech and the rest of the Lord’s priests: “eighty-five priests in all, still wearing their priestly garments. Then he went to Nob, the town of the priests, and killed the priests’ families—men and women, children and babies”

David, as leader, feels responsible for all that happened: “I knew it! When I saw Doeg the Edomite there that day, I knew he was sure to tell Saul. Now I have caused the death of all your father’s family.” (:22)

This story is troubling on many levels. We see here the heavy weight that is on leaders and also the unintended and unexpected consequences that our actions and decisions can have on others who are “innocent bystanders”. Ahimelech had “consulted God for David.” Why, during this time of consultation with Ahimelech, did God not reveal Saul’s plans to them so that these 85 priests and their families might be spared? No answer is given and we are left to trust that God was in control and had good purposes to accomplish out of this.

Let’s look at how David interpreted this - what principles to draw from it?

Psalm 52:

For the choir director: A psalm of David, regarding the time Doeg the Edomite said to Saul, “David has gone to see Ahimelech.”

1 Why do you boast about your crimes, great warrior?
Don’t you realize God’s justice continues forever?
2 All day long you plot destruction. Your tongue cuts like a sharp razor; you’re an expert at telling lies.
3 You love evil more than good and lies more than truth.
4 You love to destroy others with your words, you liar!

5 But God will strike you down once and for all. He will pull you from your home
and uproot you from the land of the living.
6 The righteous will see it and be amazed. They will laugh and say,
7 “Look what happens to mighty warriors who do not trust in God.
They trust their wealth instead and grow more and more bold in their wickedness.”

8 But I am like an olive tree, thriving in the house of God. I will always trust in God’s unfailing love.
9 I will praise you forever, O God, for what you have done. I will trust in your good name in the presence of your faithful people.

Principles to help while in Suffering:

• Remember that God will deliver justice one day.
• Trust in God’s Unfailing love – in his good name.
• David thrives in God’s presence, like an olive tree!

Look for Episode 2 and 3 coming soon. 

4 Windows on the Cross: Suffering, Sin, Shame, Scars

Okay, so this is really a Good Friday post rather than an Easter Sunday post, but I am just now getting around to writing it.
This really started out as comments on the page of my Facebook Friend, Lance Schmitz, pastor of the "World's Largest Nano-Church", Capitol Hill Church of the Nazarene in Oklahoma City.


Lance likes to post thought provoking articles and get input and this is one that he posted: No, the Crucifixion is Not About Bloody Child Sacrifice Being Necessary for Forgiveness  by someone named Hellen Painter Dollar. Her post is long but she is arguing against the theological idea of "substitutionary atonement", that is that God required an innocent blood sacrifice in the person of Jesus to pay for our sins. She is not, however, saying that it is without meaning or purpose, but rather posits that cross is God's way of becoming fully human and identifying with all who suffer.

My first reaction to the comments on this article was to say that there is good scriptural backing to the idea of Christ as a substitution for us. 

• In John 1:29, John the Baptist declares that Jesus is "the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world". "Lamb of God" really could only have one reference and that would be the sacrificial lambs in the temple.  An interesting thing to say as the death and sacrifice was not in focus at all in this point in the story. I wonder what people took away from that statement in the context of Jesus' baptism.

• Peter and Paul's epistles are rife with the metaphor of substitution
  

For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive by the Spirit.  1 Peter 3:18

Of course, the actual theological construct of "substitutionary atonement" went through various phases and precisions in church history: ransom theory, Christus Victor, penal subsitution. (See substitutionary atonement).  Each of these has verses that will back them up. 

I remember hearing church historian Professor Andrew Walls speak at a conference in 2002. He posited that the church develops doctrines (already existent in scripture) as the gospel message is carried across cultural boundaries. "Christ as Messiah" (Jewish context) becomes "Christ as Lord" when the gospel goes from Israel to Greece and Rome. According to Walls, the concept of the "atonement" was crystallized as the message was taken to the germanic tribes of northern Europe.

Could it be that these different theological ideas are all just windows looking out on the same central truth, providing different views of the same reality? 

In the original post above, Hellen Painter Dollar says that the cross is about Christ joining in our suffering. I believe that is true. And Philippians 3:10  turns this on its side when it talks about the fellowship we have of sharing in Christ's suffering.

And in shame-based cultures (Africa and the Middle East), people are not as concerned about the GUILT aspect of sin (as we are in Western cultures) but the SHAME that comes with our own sin or the sin of others around us. In these cultures, an important part of the Good News is that Christ taking our shame when he dies on the cross. (The shame aspect is what causes fathers to kill daughters who have been raped due to the excessive shame that has been brought on the family.)


As I reflected on this late Friday evening, I was drawn to Isaiah 53. Assuming you see this passage as a prophecy about Jesus' crucifixion, then you can see that the cross works in so many areas, and they are so intertwined it is almost hard to extract the quotes from each other. (quotes taken from NIV)

  1. Suffering and Injustice

• "A man of suffering, familiar with pain" v. 3
• "Surely he took our pain and bore our suffering. . . Afflicted" v. 4
• He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth;  v. 7
•  Yet it was the Lord’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer, v. 10a
• After he has suffered, he will see the light of life and be satisfied; vs 11a
  

 2. Shame (He was Shamed on the Cross and bore that for us)

•  He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. v. 2  

• He was despised and rejected by mankind ..... Like one from whom people hide their faces
  he was despised, and we held him in low esteem v. 3
  (For more on the shame side of things, see Psalms 22:6-7  "But I am a worm and not a man,
  

  scorned by everyone, despised by the people. All who see me mock me; they hurl insults, shaking their heads."  Also consider that a major aspect of the problem for the "first Adam" was shame, so the Second Adam needs to address that).

3. Healing

• and by his wounds we are healed. v.5

4. Guilt of Sin

• But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him,v. 5
• and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all. v. 6
• for the transgression of my people he was punished. v. 8
• and though the Lord makes his life an offering for sin, v. 10 b 

• by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many, and he will bear their iniquities. v. 11b

Different aspects of the Cross speak more to different people and cultures and also as we go through different phases of life - shame, sickness, guilt of sin, shame, suffering.  

 
What a beautiful mystery! Let's thank
God for the Cross and revel in all that it means and so much that we will never understand.