Westport, Missouri

Today I am feeling a little "verklempt" what with watching what is hopefully the end-game in Ivory Coast (See news here: BBC and France 24) Please pray that as this can play out in Abidjan without massive bloodshed. I have heard from many Ivorian colleagues there who need our prayers.

So rather than deeper thoughts, I will try and paint a picture of the corner of Kansas City, Missouri where I am hanging out. The 24-7 Boiler room community is just a few blocks over from historic Westport.

Westport is a trendy place with old converted brick buildings -  think: Bricktown OKC without the canal and a bit more raw and unfiltered. As one walks, you encounter art studios, comic book stores, vintage clothing stores, pubs, old theaters, gay establishments, new age stores, used bookstores and LOTS of ethnic restaurants - still need to try out the Indian, Thai, Moroccan, and Jerusalem places. There is one African grocery store, which true to form has Maggi cubes, VIMTO soda and no way to make change for a twenty.

Westport is also home to lots of great coffee shops like the Broadway Cafe where I actually went and hung out today with folks from the Boiler Room. We played a few hands of rummy (and I was proudly in last place) and then some went off to work and others hung around. One used the space to work on a delightful watercolor for a children's book she is illustrating. A few others hung around and read, as did I.

Nearby there is also a cool tea place, teadrops, where I purchased some wonderful loose tea: cranberry black tea (which has whole dried cranberries and raspberries) and Rooibos Masala Chai. Note to self: send a bag of this to your sister!

Obviously one runs into "hipsters" in their "skinny jeans and glasses" in Westport. (Thanks to Anna, who used these descriptive and funny terms as we prayed last night for the various demographics of Kansas City.) There are also homeless and working poor, paid security folks in red outfits riding bikes and segways, and lots of cyclists as well (a likely subgroup of the hipsters).

 An interesting, an not irrelevant historical fact is that Westport was once the "western-most point of American Civilization". See historical plaque below that details the founding of Westport in 1833. From this place, the Oregon and Santa Fe and California trails went westward. It was a place where wagon trains were supplied and sent out. Traders, trappers, missionaries, gold prospectors - all based here and went out, perhaps coming back for refreshing and being outfitted once again.

The Celtic monastic tradition speaks of "thin places" where heaven and earth come close, a spiritual place where God's favor rests. Of course, God is everywhere and we can meet with him here in front of our computer screens or whereer, yet it seems that sometimes there are places where people have prayed in the past, where significant things have happened, which set a sort of spiritual tone for a place.

In line with this spiritual heritage, The Boiler Room folks see the Westport area as one where people will be fortified, rested up and trained to be sent out for the gospel, just as people were sent from here historical in a different way.
They do not see their community as one where people will come and STAY long-term, but rather one that is sending. In fact, later this month there are groups going out to Macedonia and China.
It is interesting to me that this vision includes people coming here to be restored and sent back out, which obviously fits in nicely with my sabbatical idea.

The wounded spirit

the wounded spirit
Just picked up this book randomly off the shelf and read the whole thing in one sitting. It's Frank Peretti's non-fictional account of severe bullying he received as a child.
Lets just say it struck a nerve - though my experiences were no where near as serious as his and I never wanted to run away from school. But there was enough there four tears to follow.
.......
Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.

More word pictures, IHOP sans pancakes

Since I last wrote, the 24-7 community here has started up a 5-day period of prayer and fasting. I have had prayer slots at 11 pm Sunday night, then 3 a.m. last night and am up for another one in a few minutes at 11 pm. (I decided since I am one of the folks who lives within feet of the prayer room, I should take some of the later night ones and leave the day slots for those who live off site).

 

Of course the night slots are perfect times to light ALL the candles. Too bad there is a sign saying NOT to play with the wax and candles, or you know what I would be doing.

These prayer slots have been good times and have been coupled with times of corporate prayer from 6 - 8 pm each night in the common living room. These start out with music and worship - very informal: electric guitar, guitar, maybe banjo or harmonica and djembe. (I have played the djembe twice now and really enjoyed that). The worship times involve lots of time where people are just praying out scriptures and then times when there is focused prayer around people who need it. Then the worship team picks up on a theme and goes into a song.

Last night there was an extended time of about an hour where we prayed for hurting nations: First Libya, then Japan, then Cote d'Ivoire, with me leading out there.

One of the leaders read out of Psalm 46:

9 He causes wars to end throughout the earth.
He breaks the bow and snaps the spear;
he burns the shields with fire.

10 “Be still, and know that I am God!
I will be honored by every nation.
I will be honored throughout the world.”

11 The Lord of Heaven’s Armies is here among us;
the God of Israel is our fortress.

It was  powerful time with the group singing and praying over each country.

Today, I got up rather later because of the 3 a.m. slot last night and eventually headed over to the International House of Prayer (IHOP - no pancakes were killed in the naming of this group). I had heard a lot about this place since arriving. It's a big place, with a large meeting room that apparently has people there round the clock ALL THE TIME. They have a bunch of worship teams that lead worship in 2-hour slots. It was a different setting for me. Not like a church service - people were up front leading worship but in the crowd people were mostly praying quietly, reading their Bibles or books. At the side were tables and people had laptops out (free WIFI).
The music was varied and obviously depends on which group of leaders was leading. When I was there, they were going through Psalm 11, verse by verse with songs for EACH verse. A  very neat concept, and meant there were songs for those weird parts of the psalms that are raw and make us uncomfortable in full context.
Ps 11:

5 The Lord examines both the righteous and the wicked.
He hates those who love violence.
6 He will rain down blazing coals and burning sulfur on the wicked,
punishing them with scorching winds.

When I got back, I decided to head over to the Broadway Cafe - no, not the one in Bamako, but the one in KC which is famous for good coffee. I had not been yet, so got some brew and sat and started reading
Christ Plays in 10,000 places. 

I was late getting back and missed the first 45 minutes of the evening prayer time but was glad I came back when I did. After a few minutes, someone was sharing an image God had given him that was SO close to the one I had the other day of oil being rubbed into wood.
His was of light coming through a window to a heart that was all cracked. The light was a salve like Neosporin that worked its way into the cracks and provided healing. The group leader sensed we should pray for those that fit in that category and so folks gathered around me and others and prayed.
God reminded me of 2 verses:

Since you are precious and honored in my sight, I will give men in exchange for you and people in exchange for your life. Isaiah 43:4

And one that I had pulled up to memorize earlier today:

You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. Ps. 56:8

Afterwards, I got in a conversation with 2 folks I did not know and one of the roommates about the work in Mali and so showed them my Mali presentation and was blessed to have them pray for me. It seems really neat to have young folks praying over me when it feels like I as the "missionary" who is 20 years older should be praying for them. Nice to be ministered to, I guess.

Well, I am late for my prayer slot. More tomorrow. . .

Oil into Wood - unexpected themes.

The Boiler Room people are preparing here for 5 days of 27-7 prayer beginning Sunday. In preparation yesterday we went in and stripped down all the butcher paper and other places people had written prayers and verses last time, and put up blank sheets for God to write on as he speaks to us.

Similarly, I have been getting used to the idea of this sabbatical time as a time where I make space and time for God to speak to me. But I suppose I have expected Him to speak in specific "growth" areas: rest, balance, sabbath, etc. As a Master Painter, though, it seems he is not averse to painting different subjects than the ones I had thought were on the table.

Yesterday, I had taken some books over to the comfy corner chair and planned on reading them. Next to the chair, I saw the pile of books that belong to Jonathan, the resident guy who reads a lot, and one drew my attention.
It had big, bright pictures and little text, but the text was talking about suffering. When we are hit with suffering, everything that has guided us in the past is suddenly gone and we are left way out of the box. In fact the box we knew is smashed and all the rules that applied are no more. All the plans that fit so nicely are up in the air.  And what insulated and protected us is gone. We are left with an empty place inside us that opens up. . .

I was reading this rather academically and then out of left field came the idea my sabbatical was not only about me being overworked and needing a break but also about a pretty heavy amount of suffering and hard times over the past 3 years. Certainly many others have had far worse but it has not been an easy time.

I sat there in the corner chair and listed down some things. And then I sat still for a while and almost drifted off to sleep and God sent the image of himself rubbing oil into very dry wood. It is fairly rare that God sends me visual images. Never anything audible, and never long enough to qualify as a "vision" - but I have had brief but powerful pictures come to me.

"Rubbing oil into wood" - now that is an odd image. I know that when people bring wooden carvings back from humid climates (SE Asia, Cote d'Ivoire), they tend to crack badly when they get to the dryer American climate. And so one rubs oil on them to keep the wood from cracking, though usually one starts too late, after the wood is cracked.
The image seemed to be one of God workinng an ongoing healing in my heart for hard things.


I know I dozed off for a while thinking about this and then at some point the name of the Keith Green song below came very strongly into my mind. I had it on my phone and so found it and listened to it. Three times!

My Eyes are Dry
My eyes are dry
My faith is old
My heart is hard
My prayers are cold
And I know how I ought to be
Alive to You and dead to me

But what can be done
For an old heart like mine
Soften it up
With oil and wine
The oil is You, Your Spirit of love
Please wash me anew
With the wine of Your Blood

 ----------------
God seems to be speaking to me from a million different sources and the "global/Intuitive" side of me is swimming in it, trying to pick up the big ideas.
A related idea to the suffering theme is one from Donald Miller's book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, which compares life to story, with God writing into our story if we will let him. In a good story, the protagonist must undergo conflict and face fears and overcome obstacles, and it is through those hard things that he changes. The pain he faces makes the eventual resolution of the story more joyful. "Joy costs pain".

Kansas City Boiler Room - part 1

After a great time in Sherman, TX with friends Charles and Laurie Hilliard, I headed north on Thursday morning for an 8-hour drive to Kansas City, Missouri. (I keep thinking I am in Kansas).


This is the Kansas City Boiler Room building in an older part of downtown.

The building next door is empty and badly in need of someone to take it on and redo it for housing for something other than pigeons. There were LOTS of them flying in and out of the windows when I went up on the roof. 

The community uses part of the ground floor for church services (as does a West African church that meets in their space). The second floor houses living space for some guys, some offices, a music studio (next to my room), a prayer room, and a common kitchen and living area.

Upstairs on the 4th floor are several art studios and living space for a few women.
I've always thought it would be fun to live in a loft, but I think I pictured more the really cool high-end ones you see in the movies. This one is a bit more basic - and cold. Lows in the 30s and highs in the 40s this week! I was surprised.
But then, hey, I was originally planning to sabbatical in a trappist monastery.

Above is part of the prayer room which is the namesake - the boiler room that gives heat to the rest of the building.

So far I have met most of the folks here. All of them very friendly and with that passion you have in your twenties to change the world. (Where does THAT go?) They are all "honored" to have me which makes me a bit embarrassed but also it is nice.

So far I am wondering a bit what to do with this time. Yes, I know, make space for God to speak to me. Be quiet.  Fit into the community.

Dayn, who has kind of been the one to show me around, shared a nice verse with me today which fits in so nicely with my theme verse - in fact, it just seems like a paraphrase of it, right down to man's rejection of God's rest (see yesterday's post).

The verse is Isaiah 30:15:

"This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says:
Only in returning to me and resting in me will you be saved.
In quietness and confidence is your strength.
But you would have none of it."

Thanks, Dayn.

a Sermon right between the eyes!

I am sure you have had the experience of hearing a message and feeling that the pastor was preaching it JUST for you and for no one else.  Oddly enough, this last Sunday was my last week at Hope Church in Ft. Worth and the regular pastor was called away due to a death in his family. So this was not the message that would normally have been preached last Sunday, but one the assistant pastor, Christian Williams, presumably decided to preach when he found out on Thursday he would be preaching.

Okay, so the sermon was on REST. It was no coincidence that this came up the week I was about to set out on the first major segment of my sabbatical. The teaching was a total resume of everything God has taught me so far and an extra kick to it.  It seems that God works things into our lives in a cyclical fashion - like a spiral getting more focused as we are able to take in the next bit.

One of the key verses Christian suggested we memorize was Psalm 127:1-2.
I said to myself, "Oh, I know this verse. Learned it last year. I even learned the second phrase that most people don't learn". But then I realized I had only learned verse 1:

1 Unless the Lord builds a house, the work of the builders is useless.
Unless the Lord protects a city, guarding it with sentries will do no good.

and had focused on it more from the need to commit our plans to the Lord, especially with regards to contingency and crisis management, a very relevant topic to us in our work. 

I had missed verse 2 which was new for me. It totally recasts it:  

2 It is useless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night,
anxiously working for food to eat; for God gives rest to his loved ones.

Suddenly it is not only about "trusting God and his sovereignty" but about not trying to do everything ourselves because we rest in his sovereignty. 

Christian went on to say that REST is good, the Sabbath rest God gave us at creation. And it is obtainable as it is promised several places.  Mark 2.27, Hebrews 4.7-11

So why do we not enter into the promised rest? 

Christian said we need to resist the enemies of rest which are Laziness (no big problem for me) and Self-reliance (zinger - right between the eyes). Then he quoted the verse at the top of my blog: Jeremiah 6:16, a verse that keeps coming up everywhere I look.

This is what the Lord says:
“Stop at the crossroads and look around.
Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it.
Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls.
But you reply, ‘No, that’s not the road we want!’

I left the last bit off of my blog header, for obvious reasons, but it really summarizes the problem: self-reliance.  When we don't trust God to take care of things, then the result is overwork.



We need to pursue a rest that restores rather than robs us. Zoning out in front of the TV or surfing the internet may appear like rest but it robs us of deeper forms of quality rest.
A lack of planning is often the problem. We need to plan so that I have time to rest. 


George Meuhler said, "The stops of a good man, as well as his steps are ordered by the Lord" (cf. Psa. 37:23). 
 
Hey, this is what I was learning in my coaching in Dallas just last week. you have to plan in the times of reflection and rest and delegation, in order to fully do all the things God wants you to be. 

Christian says that test that restores includes

• sleep - DUH! But we should organize our time to get the sleep we need and cut out things that prevent us from getting it.
• Sabbath  - a time to be with God and his people.
• celebration - this includes what others have called "delight"
• salvation in Jesus. Matt 11.28-30

There's lots here for me to chew on. and hopefully get better at.

Coaching in Dallas -Leveraging strengths, dodging shadows.

I have been in Dallas since March 3rd, and a good deal of that time has been in coaching sessions in our leadership training department. I should specify that I am being coached and not the one giving the coaching.

This has been a really beneficial time for me and God has been reinforcing things he started teaching me last year in N. Ireland. It's odd how the lessons keep coming around cyclically, deeper each time until you get them.

In N. Ireland, the Corrymeela folks spoke of finding a "well of healing" - a place that we could go to draw strength for ourselves allowing us to then draw out or provide healing for others. In reflecting on scripture, I learned that I needed to sit at Jesus' feet like Mary did and like Ps 27 says.I started on a journey of keeping Sabbath (more on that in another blogpost).

Here I learned a similar lesson: God has given me strengths and abilities that I can use to serve others and specifically advance the work in Mali.  One of my strengths also has a "shadow" or flip side: my strong responsibility  drive, coupled with my strong beliefs in the importance of the work, push me to work too much work to accomplish what needs to be done in a difficult setting.

To compensate for this, I need to make time for rest and reflective time and prayer, and time to think about the non-urgent but important things like strategy and effective delegation. Making that time will allow me to better leverage my strengths and increase my ability to serve others and actually energize me rather than sapping my strength. This will help me do and be what God created to be.

I also have the adaptability strength which means I live in the here and now and tend to be drawn to whatever is right in front of me. So I respond instantly to whatever comes through the door or into the mailbox. This may make me a good multi-tasker, but also means I do not take the time to prioritize or reflect and so work less efficiently.

I need to guard this reflective time as a holy sanctum. I should "write myself a prescription" to take this time that I need, and be so serious about it, that if urgent events force me to miss it, I "make it up double".

Some of the things that energize me are: 

• Cycling
• Analyzing and organizing information
• Being creative (art, music, design/layout/color)
• Language learning
• Being alone in nature
• Music (listening to and playing)
• Downtime
• Reading
• personal retreats - whether that be in N. Ireland, Abbé David or Selingué in Mali. . .

I have learned a lot about my strengths from the Strengths finder test. But also looked at other inventories: Myers Briggs, Belbin Team roles, communication styles. It's been an enlightening process.

It is odd that in Christian circles we tend to be so focused on humility that we rarely focus on what our God-given strengths are and affirm them, reflecting on how best to use them. Why are we embarrased to say "God gave me gifts in this area?" After all, 1 Peter4:10  says, "Each one should use whatever gifts he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms".
The idea of finding healthy ways of working so as to leverage my stengths and those of my team to better accomplish God's work - well, that is just exciting.

We have worked up a growth plan help me with some of these things. I am anxious to put it in practice when I get to Mali.I will be asking some of you who are closer to me there to keep me accountable! Do feel free to ask me how it is going when November rolls around.

The Parable of the Growing Seed and Ephanies at 9:44 pm

In my devotional reading yesterday, the passage was this parable, entitled "the Parable of the Growing Seed":

Mark 4:26 Jesus also said, “The Kingdom of God is like a farmer who scatters seed on the ground. 27 Night and day, while he’s asleep or awake, the seed sprouts and grows, but he does not understand how it happens. 28 The earth produces the crops on its own. First a leaf blade pushes through, then the heads of wheat are formed, and finally the grain ripens. 29 And as soon as the grain is ready, the farmer comes and harvests it with a sickle, for the harvest time has come.”

I reflected on this parable, which is one which I have surely read but certainly never heard a sermon on. 
It is there amongst the other more familiar ones. The Mustard Seed comes next and the Sower is earlier in the chapter. I struggled a bit on what the point of this might be. 
And it seems to be that there is no formula for spiritual growth. It just happens with "the earth" doing its part and the farmer more or less surprised. Like the Farmer in the story, we just have to let go and give God permission to make things grow.

This took me back to a similar epiphany I had while on the retreat in Corrymeela last June. I was out walking along the cliff overlooking the sea at 9:30 pm enjoying the sunset. (YES, the sunset. It is very far north there and so in the summer, the sun goes down late and comes up at 4:30 a.m. I took this picture at 9:44 pm). 


And as I walked, I suddenly realized that

“I can’t change my life! Only God can. I just have to give him permission to work in my life and make space for him to do that."

For me I am learning that that space involves time in the Word, but also unfettered time where I put aside the distractions and am quiet and reflect. Like the farmer, once the ground is plowed and the seed planted, then God does the rest.

It's odd how the Lord cycles things back around in your live every few months or years until you GET it. Reading this yesterday took me back to that point.

Sabbatical - Delayed Gratification and unexpected Reboot

Early 2010 found me close to burnout and looking forward to my furlough in the US in June where I had been offered the possibility of doing a true sabbatical, rather than working in the our headquarters in Dallas. In December 2009, my boss proposed “an open-ended period of unstructured rest time for you in light of your longevity as Director and recently the extreme situations you have been dealing with.”  

Feeling close to burn out, I really latched onto this idea, and God began working the idea into my heart. I came up with a list of books to read about rest and balance and Sabbath and verses to memorize to help “reboot” my spiritual and work life.  I hung a lot of hopes on that future time - looking forward to rest, rather than to trying to build times of rest and Sabbath now.

Then in may 2010, circumstances meant that I had to delay my furlough until early 2011. As I looked at delaying the sabbatical, I said to myself (and God), “What changes can I go ahead and make now?” I realized there was nothing that prevented me from reading the books I had lined up, memorizing the verses on my list, and being more diligent about time alone with God. And God was faithful in that, honoring the extra time and ministering to me, giving me strength and rest needed to extend my field term. 

Now I am finally in 2011 at the beginning of my Sabbatical time. God has already brought me a good way down a new path and I am excited about what is ahead. 


These posts are mostly for me, but feel free to read along at home. I have to do some catching up on past months before we get to current updates.