Ten years on from Grand Bassam! Grateful for God's protection and Healing.

Ten years ago, on March 13, 2016, I was on the beach with 2 friends in Grand Bassam, Côte d'Ivoire. Terrorists attacked and in a few hours 22 were dead - 19 victims and 3 terrorists. (Wikipedia article) 

My friends and I hid in a small, unfinished room on top of a wall during the gunfire until special forces rescued us. 

I am so grateful to God to everyone who helped us through that time, the first week, months, year, and even beyond.  

When it first happened, I was pretty traumatized. It wasn't until 5th day that I was even able to cry. 

I remember that my body was sore for the first day or two. 

What had happened loomed ahead of me like something I could not get around - even though it was behind me. Would I be able to come "back to life" after what had happened? Would I ever be able to get to 1 month? 6 months? 1 year? It seemed unthinkable that I could arrive at 10 years past this event. 

Week One

Laurel and Cornelia and Csaba and others on center gave us meals. The morning after our office staff supported us while we shared in the office prayer time. Pastor Pierrette drove across town through heavy traffic to pray with me.

We had peer debriefing the first week and that helped. 

Then some Ivoirian colleagues whom I had not met had a special ceremony for us to thank God for the new lease on life he had give us. Read about the Egg Ceremony here. What a blessing these people were to us. I still try to eat a boiled egg each year to remember! 

On the one week anniversary, I went up front and shared briefly and Pastor Soro prayed for me. 
Someone had us over on our center for lunch and I remember I could not keep my eyes of the clock, thinking about the events exactly one week earlier. 

One month

We had a Djimini Bible dedication I think 2 weeks after the attacks. My boss, Nelis van den Berg, and others had told me I should not be working more than half time - which I was not able to do anyway. 
And someone suggested that I did not need to go to the dedication at all and make the "director's speech". Laurel Miller kindly took the speech I had written and read it at the dedication. She also loaned me her hymnal and keyboard and I enjoyed spending that weekend playing hymns and hanging out with Thomas and Baerbel - the 2 friends who lived this with me. We colored Easter Eggs and watched a movie together. 

People shared scriptures. Psalm 124 became central to us. Healing came through verses and songs. It was also in this time frame that I wrote a lament which was very helpful. 

So many of you reached out to say you were praying for us! 

I wrote about this period in a blogpost entitled "Trauma Patchwork"

Second month

Sometime in the second month, I returned to my normal role in Cameroon. I'm grateful to teammates there: Nelis, Bianca, Debbie and Bibi and other friends for welcoming me back, cleaning my place, giving me lots of grace, and listening well. Karen Degraaf got me started with some good resources for dealing with the trauma. 

In the third month, 

I moved to Germany and got used the quiet, peaceful environment to work peace into my soul.  I wrote about that this past december in an advent devotional 

1 year

By the one year anniversary I had survived the insanity that is fireworks on New Year's Eve in Germany. I made it to March 13, and wore my "Yako Bassam" (Sorry Bassam) shirt and had a little egg ceremony to mark one year. 

Life was more or less back to normal and I thought I had healed from this. 

But I attended a retreat right around the 18 month mark where God showed me that I had processed this all mentally, but not emotionally and helped me to walk through it all. 

Read more here: Back to Bassam - the Shack

Years 2- 9

From then on, healing was incremental and life became more and more normal. 
I was still marked by it. 
If you came into my life since that time, and you have had an important part of my life, then I have likely shared the story with you. I know I've shared it in every small group I have been in, every new work team. 

During my first furlough back in the US, I had to share it a lot with people I saw again. That was heavy at times, but also something that God used to minister to others. 

And that has been one of the lessons. God used this horrible thing in my life to make me sensitive to others who have suffered trauma and violence, and to pass on a part of the comfort that he and others shared to me. 

In 2022 and 2023, I first began to get to the point where I could "kind of" enjoy fireworks - usually with noise cancelling headphones and good friends nearby who would understand when I had to go inside. 

In 2025, I actually chose to go downtown to watch fireworks where I would have NO WHERE TO GET AWAY TO if it became too much! 

And now we come to 10 years! 

 Each year I am reminded by the Facebook and photo reminders that come up in the weeks before - from my time in Côte d'Ivoire leading up to the event. I actually had been to the same beach a few weeks earlier and have pictures from that time. 

Perhaps at the 20-year anniversary, this will just be a blip. I might even forget it some years. 

But for now, I am intentional about sitting and remembering where I was, all of you who have walked with me and patiently listened to stories, and how God has brought me to where I am today. I'm grateful for the many people I have met in these 10 years and the extra life that God has given me!

Thank you to each and every one of you! God is good! 

Jesus, be with me in the Boat!

Advent devotional on Peace - for First Baptist Church, Oklahoma City, 2025 

Peace is not just the absence of conflict or war. It’s a positive thing in and of itself, just as rest is more than the absence of work.  Real peace is a state of heart that is positive, a fullness sometimes described as shalom or flourishing. 

As many of you know, I survived an “active shooter” terrorist attack in March of 2016 in the Ivory Coast. The Sunday before that happened, the sermon was on Jesus calming the storm (Luke 8, Mark 4, Matthew 8). Jesus was asleep in the boat, totally at peace, while the storm was raging. The disciples, on the other hand, thought they were going to drown and woke Jesus up. The takeaway from that sermon was that when we face troubles, we are to pray “Jesus, be with me in the boat!” 

One week after that sermon, I found myself up on top of a wall in a dark room with the sound of crashing ocean waves not 50 yards away and the sound of continual gunfire much closer for 90 minutes. I wish I could say that I was tranquilly sleeping as Jesus did - calm and at peace. But I was not. I remembered that sermon and prayed “Jesus, be with me in the boat”. Sometimes all that you have available in crisis are simple prayers. 

Peace did not come to my heart while I was in that room. For the disciples, peace did not come until AFTER Jesus calmed the waves. In my case, we were rescued by some special forces and eventually found our way back home. The immediate danger was gone but peace did not really return to my heart. I left Ivory Coast a few weeks later and returned to Cameroon. There was an absence of trauma, but I wasn’t really at peace - still on edge for the next month or two. 

If you have never lived in an African city, I don’t think you can know the sense of constant noise that one experiences at all times. Your windows are always open. Trucks and motorcycles going by with horns blaring.  There are animals of all sorts - goats, sheep, dogs, cows, birds. There is always someone off in the distance talking loudly. At night, there is music blaring from night clubs. And then at 4:30 a.m. the mosque across the street gives the call to prayer. 

In June 2016, three months or so after the attack, I moved from Cameroon to a small town in Germany to start my next assignment. I had an overnight flight and arrived mid-morning. I was picked up and driven to a guesthouse and had lunch. Then I lay down for a nap. An hour or so later I woke up suddenly - almost startled by the silence.  “What’s that sound? . . . Absolutely nothing!” 

God used that time in Germany for a fresh start and a time to build peace and refreshment into my heart! I spent a lot of time exploring the beautiful paths and bike trails through forests and green meadows. One evening, I crested the hill on a bike ride at sunset and caught this view. It lines up with this verse that I had discovered.  

In advent, we look forward to the coming of Jesus and the Peace that he brings to our lives and to the world. If you are experiencing a storm, ask Jesus to be with you in the boat and trust him to bring calm to the situation and to your heart in his time, because he delights in you!

Looking for Beauty in the Urban Jungle

This is my second sabbatical. The first was in 2011 and was the start of this blog. It’s inevitable to compare the two times and to try to fit this one into the mold of the earlier one, but the circumstances are different. I’m staying at home this time around and things feel more disjointed but also more like my normal life. 

One constant is trying to be attentive to God and to find beauty in unexpected places. I also find it helpful to do some creative things and to write about what I’m experiencing. 

Remembering 30 years on - Oklahoma City Bombing

On April 19, 1995, I was in Côte d'Ivoire in my very first months in West Africa. 
I had just traveled several hours north for our group conference and was getting settled into the second floor of the guesthouse at hour training center. I had made my way to the central kitchen area to get some water and Cathy Davison was listening to the BBC news on the radio. She told me there had been a bomb in Oklahoma City and my first response was, "That's not the sort of thing that is supposed to happen" back home. 

Back in 1995, there was no internet to speak of. I got on the phone in our guesthouse and finally got a call through to my family back home. After supper, I watched a 3 minute segment on the Ivorian news that night. Then I waited the better part of a week for the Newsweek to come out with pictures and more details. And I wrestled for the first time with terror and its place in our world. 

I now have lived long enough to see the face of evil in so many places I have been: Bamako, Gao, Timbuktu, Ouagadougou, Nairobi, Paris, Beirut, Yemen, Grand Bassam. And I know now that this is not something that any place can say they are exempt from.

But in the aftermath of the Oklahoma City bombing, we saw people come together in spite of their differences with hope and resilience. And I have seen that in the other places mentioned above. Love and hope are stronger than hatred. 

On this 30th anniversary of the bombing in Oklahoma City, it is Holy Saturday. I think it's fitting that we sit with this remembrance of evil on this day between Good Friday and Easter. On Good Friday, Christ endured all the evil the world had to give, and it seemed like death won. On Saturday, we sit and remember but we look ahead with hope to Easter, when Christ conquered death and evil and sin.

One of my favorite parts about the Oklahoma City Memorial is the unofficial memorial that Saint Joseph's Catholic Church erected just across the street from the site, well before the official memorial was finished. It's called "And Jesus Wept", showing Jesus with his back to the bombing site. He is in white and surrounded by black granite columns representing the children whose lives were lost and a wall with a hole for each victim. We are reminded that Christ enters into our suffering with us and is grieved by it. 

The pedestal of the statue has the inscription "And Jesus Wept". 

The official memorial is across the street with two large black walls  bookending a reflecting pool. 

There are glass chairs for each of those 168 people who lost their lives. 

Lastly, there is the "Survivor Tree" that somehow managed to survive the blast and became a centerpiece of the memorial and a reminder of endurance and hope in the face of evil. 

We remember but we do not grieve or despair like those who have no hope.

I Thessalonians 4:13 

 

  

Lent Offering: A distracted mind

My pastor said something a week ago: "One of the greatest resources we have is our attention. What we give our attention to can drag us down and change our life." So for Lent this year, I am once again giving up social media (though I may go online to post these). 

This got me thinking about what it's liked to have a distracted and fragmented mind. 
I was challenged to follow the example of a friend who is doing a "creative lent". Rather than giving up anything for lent, he is attempting to create something each day: often a haiku or text combined with a photo. 

I decided to try to do this as well, but not each day. I've had a bit of writer's block and then was frustrated at images that I could conjure in my head but not produce effectively. 
Then I remembered that I have enjoyed playing with AI images on occasion and so I fired up Adobe Express and Firefly and came up with these to go with a 5-7-5 haiku-like poem.

[pictures created by Adobe Express AI and Adobe Firefly by Tim Tillinghast]

Forever Marked - By Terror, By Grace, By Community

I wrote this about a month ago for our organization's internal "Community of Grace" blog. 
At the time I meant to post it here as well, but forgot. 

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March 13, 2016 was a day that forever marked me. 

I was enjoying a day off at the beach in Grand Bassam, Côte d’Ivoire with two SIL colleagues when terrorists attacked suddenly, killing 19 over the next few hours. We took refuge in an unfinished hotel room, eventually hiding up on top of a wall. Heavy gunfire rang out constantly for over two hours. Within 50 meters of our hiding place, twelve people lost their lives in the final battle on the beach: 8 civilians, 2 Ivorian Soldiers, and 2 terrorists.

After soldiers rescued us, we made our way back to our center. Frankly, I hadn’t been sure if we’d stay up on the wall all night, or if the terrorists would find us and we’d be home with Jesus that night.

Within hours, the photo at right showed up across the internet and on newscasts around the world.

Then began the long process of healing. In my journal that first week, I wrote that I could not see around this thing that happened to me and wondered to myself if I would ever return fully to life again.

I was in a haze the first few days. On the 5th day, I finally cried - deep sobs.

There were wonderful acts of community to carry me towards healing.

• I told the story to many in person and wrote it up and sent it to close friends by email.
• I skyped family and close friends. They were unsure of how to respond and even process what I was telling them but they listened. 
• Meals were provided.
• The first morning I texted our local advisory committee to say there was no way we could have our meeting that night because I’d been in the attacks. A dear Ivorian sister on the committee dropped everything and drove through heavy traffic to come and pray with me. 
• Work obligations were lifted. As acting director awaiting a replacement in a few weeks, I couldn’t just leave, but was told to work only half days. They also decided that I should NOT go speak at the Bible dedication that week, which was a HUGE burden lifted, though disappointing as well). 

Marked in the "Egg Ceremony"

• Special symbols to mark the occasion. On the 5th day, the Ngwala language committee called me up to their workshop for a special “Egg Ceremony” along with the 2 other victims. They gave us each a boiled egg, to peel and eat right there, but first we were to take a bit of the yolk and mark our forwards, to show that we are forever marked by this experience. The egg itself represented the new life we had been given. The Ngwala do this type of ceremony to mark all near death experiences. We found it it so significant, that each year on the anniversary, we boil eggs and eat them and I light some egg-shaped candles I found.  
• The couple that experienced the attack with me returned home to Germany after 2 weeks. We were already friends, but I was bound together with their family through this event. We check in with each other through the years and on anniversaries. 
• Scripture took on new meaning, especially the imprecatory Psalms. Someone shared Psalm 124 the first week and it became OUR Psalm, as if it had been written just for us. 

I returned home to Cameroon after 3 weeks, thinking that a week off there would be enough to get back to normal. Little did I know that would take several months, and healing would continue over several years. 

Back in Cameroon what I needed most was to tell my story to people. 

• My journal has a list of 10 people I told the story to that week. 
• I didn’t need for them to say anything, just listen as I processed and offer presence. Not everyone could do that, but I was grateful for those who did. 
• I didn’t need them to make sense of what happened for me. I was already grappling with God about that. One well-intentioned person I hardly knew offered that “God must have had a purpose for it”. I really did not need to hear that right then and thankfully a close friend told me to just ignore it. 
• That being said, God did use this experience to allow me to be sensitive to others who’ve experienced trauma and minister to them, but that took time. Two years later on my furlough, I found myself meeting with groups and individuals and sharing the story with them, how God had met me and brought healing. It became an open door to connect with them and open up about their own trials in a way I doubt I’ll ever see again. 

Back at work, I still needed grace

One month after the attacks, I found I could finally work a full day and was okay carrying out simple tasks. But larger tasks overwhelmed me.

At the 2-month mark, I was at our International Conference, sitting in the french interpretation booth. I broke down sobbing while translating someone’s testimony and had to pass the mic to the other interpreter. Thankfully, it was someone who had gone through much trauma of her own and she understood perfectly. 
 

Interpreting into French at our International Conference

After that conference , I moved to Germany and that was a way for God to bring me to a “spacious place”, green and quiet and calm. 

An odd feature I have found going to a new place is that no one knows that I experienced this. I found eventually that with new people, I had to evaluate if they were going to be important in my life, and if so, I’d need to share this with them at some point. I joined a small-group Bible study and it comes up. It’s a terribly awkward sort of “oversharing”, but needs to be done if you’re going to go deep with people. And other times, it’s just not worth it. 

It’s also helpful for friends to know to what my triggers are so they can help me navigate them. For example, on New Year’s Eve we might be enjoying the fireworks, and then suddenly I need to go inside and be away from it all.  

God has continued to bring healing and after 1 year, I thought I had gotten past this. At around the 18-month mark, my team went on a retreat. The first day in a half-day alone, God met me there in a unique way. He helped me work through the feelings I had about the event. (Described here in my personal blog). That evening our team met back together to share the day’s events and I shared it all. It was good to be a safe place where there was grace and understanding and freedom to share. 

I’m truly grateful for the communities of grace that God has put me in to bring healing. Thanks to all of you who are part of those! 

Divine appointment in a Lyft

Today was a roller coaster of a day.

I had an online meeting from 8:30-9:00 and then had to order up a Lyft (ride share like Uber) to take me to pick up my car from the shop and go straight from there to a funeral at 10 a.m.. And from there to a doctor's appointment with my parents. 

So it seemed rather random when I decided to pick the Standard pickup time rather than the Priority pickup for my Lyft. Time was tight but I figured I could spare the extra minute. 

As soon as I got in my Lyft, I could tell the driver was African. I asked where he was from. He said, "West Africa."

"Where exactly?"

"Ivory Coast"  (Côte d'Ivoire) 

I immediately switched over to French and told him how I had lived in Mali and Ivory Coast for many years. This is always a moment of joy, both for me, but also for the person who is taken totally by surprise to find an Okie speaking French to them. 

We chatted about where I had been in Côte d'Ivoire and then I asked what ethnic group he's part of. He said he was Wobé. 
I asked if he's a Christian and he said he was. I responded that I thought one of our teams had completed the Bible translation in Wobé. 

We kept talking but I pulled out my phone and went to the Google Play store and searched for Wobe. There it was -  the "Bible in Wobe with Audio"!

We had just a few blocks left of the ride. I downloaded it and got the audio loaded, too, and played him a bit of Matthew 1 from the back seat. 

You could see his smile - even from behind! There's nothing quite like hearing your mother tongue, especially in a foreign land. 

We were just pulling up to the garage but we managed to exchange phone numbers and I sent him a link to the app. I also found out that he lives quite close to me! I'm hoping we can stay in touch. 

I would be remiss if I didn't say more about about these scripture apps. 

I have several SIL colleagues who create these apps around the world - in Mali, Côte d'Ivoire, Germany, Cameroon and there are many others. 
Each app is a stand-alone ap -  that is to say they're not part of the Bible App that you probably use. Instead there is one per language. That way, if someone happens to think to search for their language, there it is! And they are all free. Most of them come with audio that plays along with the text. All are designed to be downloaded once and then not need internet connection. 

If you know someone who speaks a minority language, ask them their language name and search for it in the Google Play store of the Iphone App Store. Most of these are produced for both Android and Iphone. Some also have tablet/ipad versions.

If your friend speaks a majority language - Spanish, French, Ukranian, Chinese, Indonesia, Arabic, Urdu, Swahili, etc. -  check first in the Bible App/YouVersion to see if their language is part of that. 

Faith Comes By Hearing, a partner of ours, also has their own app and cover 2200 languages where they have recorded an audio version of the scriptures. 

Finally, check out https://scriptureearth.org which allows you to search by language or country and it lists ALL the resources available in a given language including Jesus film, published scriptures, recordings, etc.