Beginnings I: French Study (1993)

It seems that I am in a time of transition, with things circling back around in interesting ways. Just two weeks ago, I moved out of my apartment where I had lived for 13 years and into the apartment I lived in when I first arrived in 1994.


Looking back, I have found some of my journal entries from back when I started out on my overseas journey. This one is from the day I arrived in France for french study:

7/22/93

In France, August 1993

      Arrived today in France, eight years after my first SIL courses and a little over 20 years after my folks went to Lebanon.  It's hard to believe that I'm really a missionary now  (as if location really means anything).

      It's 11:20 pm and for some reason I'm still up.  I haven't slept in 30 hours or so.  I left DFW at 5:30 pm Wed (7/21/93) and arrived in Paris at 9:30 a.m.  Took a taxi with all three of my huge bags and my carry-ons to Le Gare d'Lyon.  Had to wait there for 4 hours.  I was really worried about getting all my bags from the airport to the station and on to the train.  A really nice French man ( a porter) helped me find a locker and get change to plug it.  He even took me to information.

      Looked everywhere for an elevator (to get my bags upstairs). Returned in despair to my locker, only to find one 5 feet away.  God provided (in advance)!

      The train ride was fun.  I kept catching glimpses through the trees as I rode backwards at high speed.  I never could get a good look - just snatches here and there, kind of like a movie preview.  Really beautiful scenery.  I literally caught my breath a few times.

      Leaving Oklahoma was strange.  It was odd to have so many things stripped away at once:  car, keys (one by one), library card, Blockbusters card....  I was left feeling naked, as if part of my identity had gone with those things.  I guess keys and cards give you access to places and things, there by giving you some importance.  Your car, of course, gives you total independence.

French Study retreat in Switzerland, Fall 1993

      Didn't really think about leaving until 2 days beforehand.  It was kind of like being in a dream.  Slowly, it sank in.  Not until I was on the plane to France, did I realize "I'm not going to see anyone I know for the next 4 years."

      Scared about the trip and traveling details, but I made it.  God's grace and presence were surely with me.  It's nice to be in the strong grasp of the "Swift Sure Hand" (Stephen Lawhead).  I guess next time I travel it will be easier because I'll be able to communicate some.

It is odd looking back on this time with 19 years of distance. I flashed back to the first train on my trip to France in May this year. And this time I helped someone who did not know any French figure out the train. And I still had more bags than I could handle!

I have identified the stripping away of keys many times since as part of the cycle of going back and forth between the US and Africa. You start with many keys, then "turn them all in" until you have none. Then you go to the other side and get your keys "back" from wherever you left them.

Emptying out my apartment earlier this month and getting rid of 80% of my possessions feels very similar to the stripping away of identity I felt in 1993.

It is comforting to read about my 1993 fears about going to a new place where I did not know ANYONE. Looking back, I can say that most of the people I know and interact with friends today I have made on this side of the ocean.

God is good! May I find my identity in him and in what he brings my way.